It's Christmas time and that can mean only one thing: It's time to finish my Las Vegas Chronicles.

Now where was I?

Oh yes, preparing to see Sedaka. After purchasing the feather masks, Kat, Melissa, Audra and myself headed back to our rooms to look lovely for Neil. I ran into my room and found Karen and Julie ready already. I freaked a little and booked into the shower. I furiously scrubbed, barely noticing that our shower had gold hardware. CLASSAY! Once out, I swipe deodorant, yank on my pinstriped pants, button my shirt and begin the process that is my hair. Gel goes in, blow dryer on. Fluffing commences. It looks pretty fucking good I think. I slide open the bathroom door and see Danielle and Tony sitting in front of me. What had they heard while I was in the shower. Hopefully not me humming "Laughter in the Rain".

So the makeup is on (did I mention that my face was Zitfest 2003 and 2004 that weekend? I didn't? Well I am now), the tiara is perched in my hairsprayed coif and everyone has arrived in my hotel room. We're comparing outfits, showing off masks and planning humpings...oh wait that was just Danielle.

We head downstairs to the theatre. Excitement hits a high. Some of us are tipsy from our free wine. We file in to our second row center seats. In front of and behind us, we discover we are not the only Clay fans to make the tenuous connection between Clay and Neil. That connection being, "Hey, Neil was nice to Clay. Maybe he'll show up!" We reveal that we are Lecherous Broads, and get quite a reaction. We are asked for photos. We're fucking famous in the Clayworld, and we love it.

The show begins. All I can say for sure is that we screamed so loud that Neil knew we were there. He kept putting his hand up to shield his eyes so he could see what those bellowing fools looked like.

Let me pause a moment and apologize for doubting Mr. Neil Sedaka. I know I was the most cynical and ashamed one there. I kept saying to people at home, "Oh...we're going to see Neil Sedaka while we're there." I'm sorry Neil baby. Your voice is really ON! And don't get me started on how talented a pianist (hey! I said PIANIST DANIELLE!) he is.

The best part of Neil is that he tries to dance! Twisty dancing. The other best part was when, right before singing "Solitaire" Neil mentioned Clay and we all went apeshit. He turned up the houselights and pointed us out. We screamed more because we had Neil's full attention.

When he sang "Laughter in the Rain" I was giggling like a maniac and Danielle was screaming it right along with him. At the end of the show, he changed his encore. He added a song because the crowd was so nuts (thanks to us). The man has talent, yo!

After the final encore, he fucking curtseyed! CURT.SEY! It was tender and wonderful.

Well, we apparently tarried too long in the theatre because by the time we got backstage, tender Neil had gone to the fucking Bilagio for dinner! I can't say I wasn't disappointed. We all signed a big poster for him, to let him know we were fans of his, and then we went over to New York New York for a LATE dinner.

We spent some time staring in at the piano bar and Melissa's new hubby. A nice pseudo-mulleted gentleman screaming Guns n Roses songs for money. I think he was quite a catch.

We settled on a Mexican restaurant. I had no money, but my sugar mama Audra told me I would not be allowed to starve, and my other sugar mama Melissa told me I wouldn't be denied drink. I heart them. Then the waiter comes by with a free tequila for me. Why, you ask? BECAUSE of my TIARA! He thought I was having a bachelorette party!! I drank that shot before he could steal it from my cold spinster hands.

We ordered our goofy girl drinks and blabbed the night away. Tony was not present because he had come down with the Tono, a disease we all had symptoms of within the week.

I was the first to leave Sunday morning. Karen gave me cab fare and set her alarm for 5:30AM. When it went off, she whisper-yelled for me to get up and stay up. I gathered my things and slipped out the door. I entered a cab, and we drove toward the airport. My cabbie was nice and normal for a change, just the kind of guy you want driving you in your first cab ride alone.

I boarded the plane in the rain and slept most of the way back. There was cloud cover so I could not see the dazzling landscape that I was treated to on my flight in.

The trip was phenomenal. I got to meet wonderful people. I flew for the first time. I played slots. I saw the mountains. I functioned on 3 hours of plane sleep. It was fantastic. All in all I think the caption to this photo says it best: