I'm putting the Vegas conclusion on hold because of an important event. I've had the best Clay dream evah.

No, it was not a sex dream. But you will probably agree that this is just as good, simply because of it's weirdness.

So in the dream, Jay and I flew to Vegas to see Clay in concert. All went well, until we got there and realized that the show was the hokiest thing since Tony. It was very Hometown Connection. There were lots of local people around being all proud that their nieces and shit were in the show with Clay. Yes you heard me right. There were others in this show.

We got our tickets and went all the way up front until our chests were pressed against the edge of the stage. When the show started, I didn't recognize a single song. There were also all sorts of community theater type dancers in the mix. Clay, of course looked incredible. I think he was wearing a suit.

So a couple of these numbers go on and the most conspicuous thing was that after each song, I would try to clap and cheer, but no one else was making any noise. Very frustrating. After a while there was an intermission, during which they showed some commercials Clay had done. The one that sticks in my mind is a commercial for Jose Cuervo Tequila. Yes. Clay in a alcohol commercial. This may be my desire to see him flushed and tipsy coming through here. He was dancing around and doing Risky Business type stuff. There was tequila sloshing and singing and dancing.

This is when Clay appeared next to my brother. He looked in my direction and so I took the opportunity to say, "Hi! How are you?" And he sort of mumbled something about not really looking at me because there was someone behind me. He then quickly apologized for being rude. Just then the sound went out in the whole place. Everyone was dead quiet. Clay started whispering about all the terrible stuff he had to do. Like the commercials with Pierce Brosnan and the bad musical numbers. At one point he even cupped my ear with his hand.

The silence went on. Then Clay began to fuck around with my brother's hoodie strings. He was yanking on them. And pulling the hood tight around Jay's face. Then in magic dream wonderfulness, Clay was suddenly wearing a hoodie. He began to yank the hood tight around his face and smoosh it up. Funny faces were made. Did I mention that he was wearing his glasses? Well he was.

The fun was soon over as he was called away. Soon they had him onstage with a fake microphone singing another unknown song. There was footage of him at Miss America behind him.

The End

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