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Put on the records, it's time for us all to make dinner together!

2006-03-04 4:13 a.m.

I've just finished watching Peter's Friends, a Big Chill-esque film about a gathering of friends. Admittedly, I rented it because it had Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry (who I am in danger of becoming a fag hag for) in it. Shockingly, it was good.

When I see movies like this, I can't help but get nostalgic for high school. Although, I always tried to be very anti- in school, I discovered that I, indeed, actually liked people. I had fun daily, whether it was setting the curve in Chemistry, skipping out of reading, or cavorting around backstage pretending to learn my lines for some god-awful play. I miss it desperately.

I must admit that, considering how shitty my life has been lately, that it wouldn't bother me one bit if one of my old friends from school had a big party in his or her large mansion in the British countryside. We'd all arrive, pretend to be civil. Stop being civil and argue about years old slights, get blasted together, relationships would disintegrate, old flames would have sex and a big secret would be revealed. Basically, everything would be rearranged. I think that's what I want, some outside force to rearrange my life. But music from the mid-90s would have to be played. Oh and someone would have to bring pictures.

I've been questioning lately why I manage to be put together after having lost my mother. I don't really know why. I must say that I do gaze fearfully at the sky waiting for that other shoe, though. One of these days I expect to break down into a total mess and not emerge for months. I mean, isn't that what people do? Why haven't I done that. I've had my moments here and there, brought about by drink, but how do I walk to school everyday? How do I drive to my dad's house and sit on their couch? Walk her halls? Cook in her pans? How?

What I do know is that I'm terribly lonely. Emma Thompson's character in Peter's Friends reminds me of me. Dresses dumpily. Lonely. Desperate for love. She of course throws herself at her gay friend and is rejected nicely. Of course, because it's a film, there's a person there to make her over, and give her confidence to go fuck a servant and feel better about herself.

Well enough babbling. Stop reading this drivel and go watch something funny. Like Blackadder.

2 comments so far

Clay Crush Level: Hmmmmm Coti Collins, eh? Very interesting...

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