newest

older
e-mail me
leave a note
homepage
Diaryland
Rings
LBFCA

A recap

2006-02-18 2:22 p.m.

Hey I just reupped my supergold membership. I can hear everyone now: Why the hell would you waste $54.99 on something you NEVAH use?"

And now comes an explanation that will serve two purposes 1)to explain why that might be and 2)so I can get back into using this fucking thing so my head doesn't exploded. There is perhaps a 2a) that deals with my avoidance of studying for a Calculus test, but I said 2 and I'm all about sticking with the original plan (ha).

Things have been supremely terrible in my life. A few terrible things and I probably would have been running to my good ol' diary, but when it seems like a giant dog in the sky is floating above you and taking a shit on you every day, all you wanna do is run for cover, or for some kind of cork.

You see, after my mom died in September, things did not improve. My dad went for a checkup, where they found a "spot" on a chest X-ray. A bunch of tests, spread out over a few months revealed a 6mm nodule on his lung. We tried to be happy that it was small and isolated, but when you've spent your entire summer hearing about nodules in your mom's lungs and then watching her die from them, it's kinda hard.

While I and my family were dealing with the constant underlying grief and fear of my dad's situation, my grandma became ill again. She had decided that she wasn't going to allow any heroic measures to save her life this time around (the woman had been read her last rights four times!). It was only a matter of time, before she passed away, which she did on January 24th. I think my sister-in-law said it best when she said that she felt she was robbing my grandma a little bit at the funeral. I know that most of us weren't thinking about my 85 year old grandmother; we were thinking about my 55 year old mother who laid in that same funeral home a few short months ago.

Back to back funerals like that are just horrible. It made me relive things that I had thought were tucked safely away. Plus they just suck.

So after we buried my grandma, we had a wake at my dad's house, where much idiocy and shittiness ensued. The following day, however, could not have been any worse than the day before. My mom's beloved cat, Gabriel was found dead in the neighbor's yard. Not a scratch on him. I lost it. I held that cold stiff cat and just screamed while my brother dug a grave for him in my dad's vegetable garden. This could not be happening to me, and especially not to my dad. That cat was the only thing left that he felt he could take care of.

So that's why. Writing about that shit every day: not fun.

Things are looking slightly up. My dad's cancer looks like it's isolated to that one teeny tiny spot in his lung. He should be having it removed within the next few weeks. This was a tremendous relief to all of us. It's really funny, because I really never thought I could feel happy about anything again. But when he told me that there was no cancer in his lymph node, I just felt pure joy.

He's also quit smoking, and actually enjoying the benefits.

I'm fucking up majorly in school, as a result of attending funerals and surgeries, but I can always take classes again...

So now that I feel I've brought everyone up to speed, maybe I'll write more often.

Kelly

0 comments so far

Clay Crush Level: He'd best come around again soon....

Today I Saw: Me get up at 2 PM. Grrr. There's work to be done!

The Weather is: SUNNY but very cold and windy

Take my survey!