Saturday morning arrived. I felt infinitely better than I had the night before, but I still was working on probably five hours sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with my mouth as dry as the desert. Here is a word of advice: Do not underestimate the drying powers of altitude and aridity. After downing 5 small hotel glasses of lukewarm water, I went back to bed.

I believe I woke up around 11. It might have been later. Everyone got a late start though, so I didn't feel so bad. I decided to wait to shower until closer to the Sedaka show. I put on my camouflage t-shirt, some comfy jeans, my beads and my tiara and headed down to have breakfast at the buffet.

Too bad it wasn't breakfast time anymore. Julie and I waited for Kat and Melissa to arrive and we hit a coffee place instead. I filled my belly with a Chai Latte, a Odwalla Superfood and a gigantic chocolate muffin. We chatted and then I think we went back to our rooms.

At some point, it was decided that Danielle, Tony, Melissa, Kat and I were going to the Hoover Dam. Danielle and Tony rented a Jeep Cherokee and we headed to the mountains.

This drive is fantastic. I cannot describe to you how beautiful the scenery is. The red, rocky earth is everywhere. The mountains are unbelievably high (well they are to a sea-level dweller like me and the rest of my party). The roads are winding.

Danielle had the foresight to bring Measure of a Man so we could all make fools of ourselves. I was feeling exceptionally foolish and sang louder than I normally would have in front of people I had only known for a couple months. It was in this Jeep, that I discovered something...Melissa and I must sing karaoke together. She has such a wonderful, powerful voice.

So, by the time we arrived at Hoover Dam, I was the lone asshat who had to pee. I almost started crying when I didn't see a restroom right away. And then, I found one, ran in and came out visibly relieved. I made the confession that I didn't have time to use a paper seat, and no one blamed me. I hope there were no prostitutes with crabs at Hoover Dam that day...

Our self guided tour began. This is what it consisted of:

*All of us, cameras in hand, slowly walking to a thing, stopping and all five of us taking pictures of that thing.

*In the interim, making the crudest jokes about Neil Sedaka possible. If really inspired, joke would also include Clay Aiken.

*Repeating the phrase, "Claaaaaay. Claaaaay. You sing...You sing like Andre Agassi plays tennis." Danielle started this because she does an excellent version. Also, filled in lots of dirty phrases after "like". Think BJs.

*Looking over the edge and going, "Wow! That is just beautiful! I can't believe how cool this is!"

*Making sure to utter nasty words within several feet of perfect strangers, especially those on first vacation with children. Think cunt, think BJs.

*Standing square in the middle of the state line between Nevada and Arizona, and saying, "One tah-tah in Arizona, one tah-tah in Nevada".

*Making Tony stand astride state line and saying, "One testicle in Arizona and one testicle in Nevada."

And now the obligatory pictures:

Needless to say, our little day trip was fun.

After leaving Hoover Dam, we drove around a bit and Tony and I spotted a gun store. This may not seem like such a big deal, but apparently this particular store offered the opportunity for stunted children like ourselves to live out a violent dream: shooting a machine gun.

We made poor Danielle drive us there and the five of us went inside. This fucking place was busy! On a Saturday afternoon. Kat and Danielle bailed, leaving Melissa, Tony and me to stare in amazement at all the paraphernalia. In the end, budget and embarrassment won out, as we were too cheap to spend $25 to try out a machine gun and to afraid to walk up to the counter and ask. Ah well.

I'm not sure when this next even fits into the time-line, but I think it was late Saturday afternoon.

Kat, Melissa, Audra and I headed to the French Quarter Buffet in the Orleans hotel. Kat and Melissa had the grand idea of using their coupons to receive not one, but two free bottles of wine with our meals. Ingenious. One merlot, one chardonnay.

We grabbed our grub and proceeded to bond over these bottles of wine. We laughed so much, I'm surprised the FQB didn't kick us out. We talked about Audra's kids, Kat's parents, Melissa's pets, and my crazy dad. We chortled, we guffawed.

On our way back to our rooms, we saw the very accessories that would make our evening with Sedaka complete: feathered masquerade masks.

After a labored selection process, we carried our treasures up to the register. Apparently, I had chosen incorrectly, because the woman behind the counter insisted I take one with a properly affixed stick. I gave in.

Kat's mask met with approval and she was allowed to pass.

Melissa was not so lucky. Her mask was falling apart and she knew it. She did not care. Said clerk was vehement. A five minute argument ensued which was finally concluded with the phrase, "I don't want that one. The nose scares me." The woman allowed her to fork over the whopping $10 for the mask and we were on our way.

Stay tuned for the stunning conclusion of the Vegas series...