I actually had an entry written out on a legal pad that I was going to put in here, but alas, two days have passed and frankly I'm not feeling as happy as I was when I wrote it.

I'm probably going to make it out of my Chemistry class with a D. My stomach just clenched thinking about it. I'm not opposed to working hard, but I think I am opposed to working hard with no reward. And that seems to be what's happening.

My life is an unorganized wreck. The apartment looks like shit. There's fur in the hallway, a giant bag of CLEAN clothes in my room that I know I will never put away, a dirty kitchen table, junk all over my computer desk and three hard-drives filled within 1 GB capacity. I can only live this way for awhile before I crack. But, I don't really have time to spend the entire day shaping up the place so that I can do my homework.

I'm going on a trip that I can't seem to get excited about. I'm going to Las Vegas. The truth is, something is keeping me from being excited about it. I think part of it is that one of the people who is going has really made me hate her over the past month or so(MCDs it's not any of you...). The idea of having to pretend I like this person is making me ill. I hide my emotions very badly.

All of this makes me suspect that I am depressed. And maybe not in a normal kind of way. I get sad sometimes, everyone does. But this isn't sadness. It's bordering on numbness. There's lots of things I need to say to people around me, but I'm too worried about hurting their feelings or ruining our friendship. The classic, bottled up inside thing is happening to me. All I can do is tell other people, but that doesn't help either.

I'm off to find some way to feel better.