newest

older
e-mail me
leave a note
homepage
Diaryland
Rings
LBFCA

Pencil Lead

2003-07-07 2:26 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Today's entry is going to be about my brother. I will leave his name out for his own protection, but since most of the people who read my diary already know me and my family...you will soon be able to tell which brother I am talking about.

Today my roommate and I went over his house to hang out. I predicted as we were going out the door that as soon as we got to his house, he would say that he wanted to go to Taco Bell. You see, my brother is a creature of habit, habit that I am very familiar with. So we get to his house and as soon as he opens the door, he says, "We gotta go to the store." Not off by too much...

So we pile in his new but used minivan and barrel down the road, on what he calls a roadtrip because inevitably there will be like five stops added to the trip before we can come home.

We get to the gas station, and because my brother has overcome his fear of embarrassment and because he just loves to make people laugh in public places, he spots some Brownie Bites and does this thing where he sucks air into his wide open mouth making a throaty, "Oh my God I've been looking for these for the last three years" noise. Except it's the loudest freaking thing you've ever heard in your life especially in a tiny gas station.

After buying two AMPs, beef jerky, Brownie Bites, an Otis Spunkmeyer muffin and Doritos, we exit the station, leaving the attendant cracking up at a comment I made about burning my hand on dry ice.

Apparently, the gas pump was from the Nixon era because it took 10 minutes to fill up the tank of the minivan. But if it weren't for this geriatric pump, I would not have heard the following revelation about my brother.

He referred to this really stinky fellow inside the gas station as a "paste-eater". I asked him to clarify and he told me that it's a term he used to describe that kid who eats paste and sits in the corner. This kid, according to my brother, will end up killing lots of women or himself. Then he goes on to say that, yes he did try eating paste, but did something much weirder when he was about 8 or 9. He collected pencil lead. No, I don't mean mechanical pencil lead, I'm talking old fashioned No. 2 wooden pencil lead. He said he used to break open pencils to get the lead. And get this, he used to collect the pencil sharpener waste and put it in a plastic bag to sift through later. Oh and if he found red or blue lead, it was really exciting. "If I hadn't had kids, I'd probably be piling women up under my basement". That's what we said as we laughed our butts off at him.

I really don't think I can top that part of the story with anything else...Just know that my brother is now a perfectly normal person with a family and a collection of pencil lead that he keeps in an old Snaps box.

0 comments so far

Clay Crush Level:

Today I Saw:

The Weather is:

Take my survey!