OK, for once I have two really good stories. Both are examples of human idiocy. So here goes (I apologize to those who have heard these stories already)

1. The setting: The parking lot of Blockbuster in Warren at about 10-11 PM on a Friday night

Matt and I (more like Matt) decided that we would watch "Escape from Alcatraz". Let me just stop and tell you that this decision was clearly based upon our trip to The Alcatraz Brewery in Great Lakes Crossing. Dumb. Anyway, we get to the video store and we see an old friend, Dan Welch, in the parking lot. So we stop to talk. I will admit that we did talk for at least an hour out in the parking lot, but SO WHAT! This vehemence will become apparent in a moment. Well, for a while we had all sort of subconciously been realizing that some yelling was going on. But nothing about our behavior seemed to warrant it so we ignored it. Well, it turns out that our behavior was offensive to a carload of 30 year olds with nothing better to do than drive around a Blockbuster parking lot. They had finally increased their efforts to piss us off, by driving closer to us and yelling louder. Here's a sample of what they said. "Fucking losers" ; "Loooooserrrrs got nothing better to do than hang around a Blockbuster parking lot" ; "Faggots" etc. So after a cursory glance and a flip of the old bird we continued to talk. Well these guys weren't done yet. The next trip of the drunk yuppie mobile would bring around what none of us should have to ever see: the bumpy, white ass of a drunk yuppie. The funniest part of this was the fact that it was jammed into the window, meaning that the butt was big enough to take up all of the room of the window frame. After a couple more trips around the parking lot, Dan got pissed and yelled, "Why don't you get your dad to suck your dick again?" The funniest part about this statement is "again". Anyway, this was just what these guys were looking for. A lot of verbal posturing was done (what? you heard me. say it again. you heard me. come on i will kick your ass). The yuppies apparently decided to take Dan's suggestion and finally left. This experience made me lose a lot of faith in humanity. I was confused, not angry like Matt and Dan. Why would grown adults do this???

2. Matt, Tina, Tom and myself were having no luck on Saturday finding a place to play pool so we settled on going to Rosie O'Grady's in Ferndale for pizza. We grab a seat uncomfortably close to the stage on which a cover band named "Teabag" was murdering current and not so current top 40 songs. Well it didn't take us long to figure out what the real entertainment was that night. Let me describe them to you. The woman: bleach blonde hair swept up in a banana clip circa 1990; not a horrible figure except her pauncy belly which indicated to me that there were kids somewhere she should have been taking care of, slightly overdone eye makeup on a 40 year old face, tight jeans accentuating her butt and the aforementioned belly and a black sleeveless top

The guy: probably early 20s; closely cut hair; hawaiian shirt totally unbuttoned and a pair of skater length shorts. These two were a pair for one reason: alcohol. They must have made Teabag feel like the Rolling Stones with all of thier excitement. Hell, it made them almost have sex on the dance floor. Everyone in my group laughed when I called what they were doing simulated sodomy so I will stick with that description. There were sandwich grinds with other couples on the floor and low height grinds and front grinds and solo dance moves. All enough to not make us leave when we found out the kitchen was closed. To make matters even funnier, they were sitting at the table next to us, making us waiting until they were dancing to laugh. We also made use of my Palm to convey messages to each other.

There are my stories. Hope they were funny.