newest

older
e-mail me
leave a note
homepage
Diaryland
Rings
LBFCA

Lies Lies Lies

2001-04-22 6:20 p.m.

hello,

This is Matthew.

I am writing a guest entry in the hopes that if I tell enough lies in it that Kelly might just write in it on a regular basis.

Now as we all know from Kelly's past entries and her very well designed web page, that she has had some bad luck with her fish lately, What she hasn't told you is that her fish were a part of a secret government experiment designed to find out exactly how much industrial waste a fish can live in and still be safe eatin'. That's right, as the fish died off in their own slow and horrible ways, kelly was forced to feed the little buggers to my uncle and carefully document any medical problems that ensued. He has recently grown back the leg he lost in Nam and Dow chemical is checking out the special combination of fish shit motor oil, carbon dioxide,and the always wonderful yellow #5 to see if it can be duplicated and sold to the general public. I'm sure with a little help from George W. and hisa guns for hire in the EPA, we might all one day be able to grow an extra appendage one of these days. And to think Kelly wasn't even going to tell you about her part in this wonderous life altering event.

On a slightly more depressing note, Kelly is currently pregnant with a love child concieved at the hands of her History professor. (what, you thought she earned those good grades by studying?) He says that he'll take care of everything, which I guess was supposed to give her peace of mind but, the fact that he was cleaning a rather large kitchen knife when he said it might have given Kelly the wrong idea about him. Hey, I trust him.

Finally, I just thought that I would relate one more story about the woman I love. She is attempting to get into the Guiness Book of World Records as the woman with the longest leg hair. She hasn't shaved in months and I am happy to report that she is up to seventeen inches. Last night I braided it for her, you know as an "I spent my spring break in Cancun" sort of thing. I figure seven more months and that title is hers, baby!!!

Well until next time.

Much love

Matthew

0 comments so far

Clay Crush Level:

Today I Saw:

The Weather is:

Take my survey!